Here's a link to help you find a meeting as well as some general info about Alanon: Alanon can provide you with support in the real world as well as a lot of info about alcoholism.
All of us here have been in your shoes, and we understand how you can be doubting yourself even when confronted w/the "Tower of Empties", even when your gut tells you he IS drinking in spite of his denials.
If you feel in your gut that he's lying, even if he isn't, then there is a lack of trust which speaks volumes to me.
Congrats on finding this site...please stay a while and read some of the stories here.
Thank you both very much for replying , I have just sat down and will definately have a good long browse and take on board the collective wisdom that a group can offer.
I was going to ring al anon, but thought it was only for cemented marriages/ family and long term relationships, I was not sure if *dating* for 11 months with our own homes would count, but I guess with my family and sanity at stake..
We do have good times, but he also notices I have lost the "lovey dovey feelings etc) I don't want to break it in case I think he is lying when he hasn't, but I am certain he is drinking at his place now and also yesterday, he was quick to tell me he wasnt when I asked how much money he had left. Also the signs physical- his snoring and sleep apnoea are MUCH worse when he was drinking, the 2 weeks he was actually sober, he had NO Apnoea, and now it varies and usually on the nights he is not spending with me. or the person who breaks it and he might do something silly. thank you First, if you do break it off with him and he does something silly, as you say, then that's HIS problem, not yours.
If you THINK he has a drinking problem, he probably does.
his parents and I are finally both on board about not giving him money (they didnt realise they were funding his drinking habit- they thought it was for bills) and because he is so broke, he sponges of me at mealtimes etc and quite frankly costing me money.For me, I had no idea that my bf was drinking as heavy as he was until I had moved in with him.Then I saw every day just how much he was drinking.."Tower of Empties" grew and grew..one point it was enough that when his mom came over to visit she returned the tower (all neatly packed back in the boxes by me) and collected enough money in returns to get enough gas to drive the 2 hour drive back home from our place.He kept not letting me in the bedroom, and when I did, I saw a stack of bottles and he said he got them to remind him to cease drinking.I was calling ********, and for the last 3 months feel sick of wondering if he is lying, watching him lie to my face and no energy to even catch him out, eg pop around unexpected where he takes a good while to answer the door and reeking of mouthwash.