(This stigma is also why, with the exception of the Northern Virginia triad, all of the other polyamorous sources in this article asked to go either by their first names or pseudonyms).Increasingly, polyamorous people—not to be confused with the prairie-dress-clad fundamentalist polygamists—are all around us.By some estimates, there are now roughly a half-million polyamorous relationships in the U. Some sex researchers put the number even higher, at 4 to 5 percent of all adults, or 10 to 12 million people.More often than not, they’re just office workers who find standard picket-fence partnerships dull.“So he started going to local [BDSM] dungeons and playing with other women. She loved the theater, but she stopped going as much because he thought it was boring and stupid and expensive.”So the couple went poly: “He started dating kinky women.She ended up hooking up with her old high school friend she found on Facebook, and they enjoyed the theater together.When critics decry polys as escapists who have simply “gotten bored” in traditional relationships, polys counter that the more people they can draw close to them, the more self-actualized they can be.In the course of her research, Sheff met one couple in which the man was as “as kinky as a cheap garden hose.” “It didn’t do it for [his wife], the whole kink thing,” Sheff told me.
Sarah and Michael met 15 years ago when they were both folk singers and active in the polyamorous community.Jonica moved in three years ago after meeting Michael on Ok Cupid.She describes the arrangement’s appeal as “more intimacy, less rules. The house occasionally plays host to a rotating cast of outside characters, as well—be they friends of the triad or potential love interests.Or, like Sarah, they’re bisexuals trying to fulfill both halves of their sexual identities.Or they’re long-term couples who don’t happen to think sexual exclusivity is the key to intimacy.